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What’s going to happen in 2018

At the start of every year I come up with a list of goals. It’s a way to focus on my priorities for the year. These aren’t resolutions, they’re goals. Yes, there is a difference. No, I won’t tell you what it is.

Before I get into the goals for the new year, let’s look back at what I thought would happen in 2017.

(cue flashback music)

I read 20 books in 2017, most of which were of the audible variety.

I didn’t attempt anything. And 15 pounds? Kind of went the wrong direction.

Not yet, but there is hope for the future.

I published every week and then some.

Anna Kendrick only released two films in 2017, Table 19 and Pitch Perfect 3. But, I didn’t know about Table 19 until today. So that kinda counts.

I dreamt big. It didn’t happen.

(end flashback music)

Ok. So, 2017 was wild and didn’t go exactly as planned. But 2 out of 6 is pretty good if we’re playing baseball. I’m sure I can do better this year. After all, 2018 is an even number. There are Olympics. And elections. Surely 2018 will be a winner.


Anyway, let’s get on with it. Here are my goals and predictions for the year of our lord, 2018.

(cue dramatic fanfare)

Ok. Don’t yell at me, but I couldn’t tell you the last time I went to the dentist. The dentist I used to see closed shop and referred me to the Grand Central Station of dentists and there were so many people and it was painful and every time I went they wanted to take out my wisdom teeth and, let’s be honest, I need to hold onto what little of the stuff I’ve got these days. Anyway, this will be the year I go to a dentist. Hopefully.

With Disney buying Fox, they’re one step closer to global domination of every licensed film franchise in existence. In May alone, Disney is releasing both Avengers: Infinity Wars and Solo: A Star Wars Story. While neither are a Dwayne Johnson and Alexandra Daddario tentpole, Disney is primed to make all the money in 2018. The real question: Will Disney boldly go where no mega corporation has gone before? Time will tell.

Can I deduct my computer since I use it to write on? What about my couch? And then what do I do with all that writing money that rolls in? Ha! Should I incorporate? I don’t know the answer to any of these questions but it’s time I get serious. After all, I’m getting a sick tax cut so I should know why. I’m not getting a tax cut? But the politicians said so…

Sure, the Winter Olympics are in South Korea and sure, North Korea is itching to do something and sure, the Russians have been banned and sure, the US has threatened to deny athletes to travel due to “security concerns” but I think it will all work out. In the spirit of unity and sport, the world will put away differences for two weeks and cheer for wild feats in the snow.

It’s only been a few weeks since I stoped visiting the Facebook newsfeed. In that time I haven’t missed anything. In fact, when I stumbled back upon it the other day it took all of 10 seconds to realize what I was doing and quickly jump to the group I wanted to connect with. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. In 2018 I want to systemically cut out as many distractions as possible. Meticulously trimming the people I follow on Twitter and Instagram. Watching less news and Netflix? Is that possible? I don’t know but if I think it’s a distraction I’m going to do my best to cut it out.

I purchase a new iPhone every two-years. 2018 is my year to purchase whatever the latest and greatest phone Apple creates. Instead of an iPhone X² or iPhone 11 or iPhone 9 or iPhone 8s or iPhone “Ten point Two” Apple will simply release an iPhone. It’s the only hardware product line where Apple still uses version numbering. Granted, I’ve predicted this for years but I feel like this is the one it will happen.

What!? Why am I even typing this? A book? Like a real book? Maybe. I’ll publish something in book form. It probably won’t sell any copies, but I’m going to publish anyway. This seems like the logical next step in this whole online writing thing.

(initiate epic finale playlist)

(we don’t have music?)

(why didn’t anyone say something at the beginning?)

There you have it, my idea of how 2018 will play out. Will I be right? Will I be wrong? Will it matter? I guess we’ll know in 365 days.

What are your goals and predictions for the new year?

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